I'm Here But I Want To Be There
Author: Maureen Gray
October 25, 2022
I have lived the majority of my life with “I’m here but I want to be there, or when I get there”
attitude. I really like the idea of “ enjoy the journey” but somehow the destination is my real
focus. The journey is unpredictable and often messy and uncomfortable. The journey has the
elements of the unexpected and unplanned, and while, sometimes that’s sweet, much of the
time, those twists and turns require resilience and perseverance…not so sweet.
As a result, many times, I’ve been in the middle of a season…college, wedding planning,
pregnacy, growing a business or a church, newborn stage, toddler tantrums, pre school, middleschool, high school, college prep, outgrowing cars and houses; seasons of busyness, of loss, of
frustration…you get the picture. And my ability to endure these times has often relied upon
focusing on “there” When my kids sleep through the night, then… When I get through the
holidays, then… When my son comes back to God, then… When we make more money or get
out of debt, then… The here and now is a temporary unpleasantness to endure while straining
and striving, even waiting for the there of the future.
I call myself the Thomas Edison of life…I know 10,000 ways things do not work. As a result of
my learning the hard way, I can be of value to anyone who would like to learn an easier way—
from my mistakes, missteps. With that said, the forementioned being here but desiring to be
there is not a way to actually live. In fact, life will pass you by in the striving of the “there”
And then what you are left with is regret. Regret that you didn’t enjoy the moments. Regret that
you didn’t laugh more. Regret that you were not more present. Regret that you missed what
the “here” was inviting you into. The result of this all too human mindset is a living toward an
unrealized future of “better” with the nagging whispers of regretting the past. As I got older, it
began to dawn on me “there” offered better than the “here” But when I got there, it wasn’t
always better, it was different. Getting “there” left me longing for the next there. Have you been
on this mental belief system? Are you in it now?
For me it started when I was 7 and I decided when I graduated from high school and could
leave my house, my home in Canada, then my life would be better. My life wasn’t better, not in
the deep and real ways I wanted it to be. I was still struggling inside myself with the same
thoughts and feelings…I was just in a new environment. So, I was here at college, but I needed
to be there in marriage. I went to a Christian university…”ring by spring” I was there. But
eventually, in my marriage those same struggles started to swirl. I needed to be “there” I need
to have a baby…or in my case 6 babies. My life became an increasing cycle of here is hard so I
need to get there. It took me years to realize that every here had at one time been a there.
Despair set in…nothing got actually better, it only got different. Kind of like when a
well-meaning woman gave me a sympathy filled smile as I was wrestling with 6 kids in a grocery
store. She seemed to think I needed hope for the future and sweetly said, “Don’t worry, it gets
better” Awwwwww…I so needed to hear that!!! But it was a false sense of hope. After raising
my kids, weathering suspensions, rebellions, drinking, drugs, sibling rivalry, periods of
estrangements, police involvements, unauthorized parties, many visits to principals’ offices and
on and on…I’m sure you have your own stories, I wanted to hunt that woman down and yell,
“You lied. This is NOT better!”
Over the years, I have begun to ask myself what is my definition of better. What was I looking
for?
And, I’m going to be very honest, very vulnerable. I’m really asking you not to judge me :) I
wasn’t looking for better, I was looking for ease. I was looking for no more disappointment…no
more pain. I was looking for idyllic. I was looking for guaranteed outcomes of things finally
going the way I wanted or expected. With this definition of better, I was never going to see
it…at least not until I was dead and in eternity.
I learned and am in the process of learning that here is all I have. Being present to right now
gives my life substance. When my eyes were on “there” I was blinded to the gift of “here” Being
where I actually am is the only place life happens. It’s natural to want to get out of pain and
disappointment and jump from the hard to the fantasy of easy but every place we land has the
elements of life to it with all the joys and difficulties, plus, we end up there with ouselves.
Somehow, every “there” becomes a “here” and if we are not careful, we will live our entire lives
asking ourselves, “how did I get here? I thought I was headed to there.” I know this by
experience.
But guess what???? I am not there anymore…I am here!! When I hear Jesus invite me into
Today…that He is with me today, not to worry about tomorrow, He is a very present help..I am
starting to get it. Today…here…is where life is.
What if today is the “there” I’ve…you’ve, been reaching for? What if we’ve been wearing
blinders so we can’t see here and can only strain for there. What if abundant life, fullness of joy,
comfort, strength, help, provision is available here today?
My hope and prayer for all of us is that the God that was, the God who is to come is the God
who IS…today…HERE…in the reality of each of our hearts and minds within the circumstances
of our lives.
May our “heres” no more be drowned in the fantasy of "there."
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